I Have Guinea Pigs

It's odd, how we define animals in America. Some are pests, some are pets, some are food, and some, the poor beasts, are a multitude of different things. I guess all cultures have their own rules on animals but, here, in the ol' US of A, I think we push it right to the very edge. For instance, I definitely do not want to be a rabbit growing up in the United States. Sure, Bugs Bunny was a funny hare but every year he had to foil Daffy's constant quest to start "Rabbit Season" early. Besides that, he had "lucky feet" but only when they were chopped from his body and attached to key chains (not so much anymore I guess but all trends come back around in time). Then there was that sadistic little girl who always wanted to keep Bugs as a pet. He would escape and find a nice farm full of fat carrots only to have Fudd shooting at him with an ol' Pilgrim style shotgun (and it wasn't even Rabbit season!). Alright, anyway, what was my point here?

...Yes, of course, I have guinea pigs and I don't know what to make of 'em. What the hell is a guinea pig anyway? They really aren't like a rat or a rabbit or really anything else. They are definitely pets, that I'm sure of, because I've never heard of even the most redneck redneck ever speaking of eating one (and I know a lot of rednecks), they have nice fur but PETA has never tried to free a guinea pig farm because they were being raised to be nice coats for really rich people. They certainly don't live in the wild because all they do when cornered is blink a lot and poop even more (two things, I very much doubt, that would deter any focused predator). My grandpa would shoot a squirrel on sight but if a guinea pig landed on his lawn, I'm quite certain he would have instantly felt sorry for the creature and invited it to live in his home. Now that I think about it, guinea pigs might be the smartest creatures in the world because being a simple pet is all they really can do....although they do fatten up quite nicely.

My Left Sock

Currently occupying my bedroom floor are 7 black, 5 brown, 15 multi-colored, and 12 extremely complicated looking socks that have no match. Some of these socks I bought less than a month ago, others I've owned for years and yet they all have no match. How is this possible? Seriously, the biggest thing I dread ever waking morning is finding a damn match for my dress socks! And now I know why! I don't have any damn matches for my dress socks! Today, I spent a solid hour searching out their matches and found none! Not a single one! I spent a good ten minutes just staring at them, turning them, hoping that I can find a match amongst their numbers. Nope. I got almost 40 socks without a partner. I even did two loads of laundry....and I don't do laundry. Still, no answer to this great riddle of life. Where, I wonder, are all of my left socks?