From The Land of Pampered Comes....

This article on Yahoo! Pets: 5 Tips for New Cat Owners . Now, I don't have a problem with giving nice suggestions on what to do when buying a cat but what I find absolutely insane about this useless article is that not one of the five suggestions is even remotely useful to anybody buying a new cat. Let me go through them quickly:

Tip 1. Do your homework. Talk to a vet. Read cat books. Learnnnnnn. Holy horse shit, it's a fucking cat, lady! If it's fluffy and you like fluffy then buy the fluffy fucking kitty!!

Tip 2. Start out with the right equipment. I've owned over fifty cats in my lifetime and I don't even know what that means? Buy a litter box, show the kitty the litter box and it will use the litter box. Buy it a hundred fun toys and scratchy thingys and it will still ruin your couch.

Tip 3. Make your home cat-safe. This is without question the dumbest single statement I think I've ever heard. Cat-safe? I could throw a cat at a drawer of knives and it will somehow jump out unscathed as I would spend the next five days nursing a sore shoulder because I threw a wiley cat at a drawer of knives. So what is cat-safe? According to the article, cat-safe is securing any dangling open wires so that the cat doesn't try to play with them. According to me, if you have danging open wires you might wanna try and get people-safe first and try your hand at buying a cat in a couple of years or so.

Tip 4. Make your home cat-friendly. Alright, I was wrong, this is without question the dumbest single statement I think I've ever heard.

Tip 5. Remember--your cat is not a dog. Yes, that's right, despite your every desire to buy dog food for your cat or, I don't know, teach it to fetch shit, it's still a cat. And if you honestly thought that your cat might be a dog then, well, you could possibly be more mentally out of whack than the person who wrote this article....although I greatly doubt it.