Ahhh....Those Were The Days

Being a child of the eighties, I grew up in the real golden years of women's liberation and, to me, nothing expressed that movement more than this pink can:


That's Tab, baby! The First Lady of diet drinks. When all other beverages cowered to the male-dominated world, Tab strutted her stuff in a bright pink can that said, "I don't need no man to be happy! Am I right ladies? Am I right?" In the sixties, when Tab was introduced, no other beverage dared to be so brazenly pro-woman but by the eighties Tab was the Queen Diva of the social scene. Girls would huddle together at the local skating rink, outwardly sipping their Tab's while laughing at the boys and primping their roller skate Pom-Poms. I remember when my mom started drinking Tab; I remember because it wasn't too long after that when she divorced my dad. To me, a youth of eleven, Tab was only below a box of tampons on the list of things that made me feel both extremely uncomfortable and greatly curious at the same time.

Sadly, during the nineties, women abandoned Tab as they embraced independence by other means, mainly by becoming more active in politics and starting day time talk shows. Soon Tab was less of a memory than Jordache jeans, Aqua Net Super Hold hair spray, and, sadly, C. Thomas Howell. That was until February 2006, when a new beverage started hitting the streets.

Maybe you've seen this slick little can in the store shelves. It's Tab Energy and, just like Tab, it's just for the ladies. But don't get confused, this is not your momma's Tab! The ingredients for Tab Energy read like a voodoo witches grocery list. Sure, Dr. Pepper has 23 ingredients but Tab Energy contains Guarana, a shrub found in Brazil, and Carnitine, which is a quaternary ammonium compound for those who might not already know. The can doesn't say whether the quaternary ammonium compound is the secret to the drinks "Jolly Rancher" like flavor but I'm guessing that the answer might be a solid, "mayyyybeeee." So what do the ladies think of the new heiress apparent to the "ladies only" Tab franchise?



One need not look far to find the answer to that question:

Tab Energy is Fergalicious!