Turkeys Are Poor Swimmers

Well, it only took three weeks to figure out how to get back on this thing! And for what? Because of turkey, for one thing. More specifically, Hormel Natural Choice Oven Roasted Deli Turkey.

I paid an extra buck fifty because this particular turkey contained no preservatives which I figured was worth the money. It even says "Taste the freshness from Hormel Foods....naturally." on the box which was a nice little slogan. When I got home and took a sample taste of my newly purchased healthy turkey I began to suspect that what Hormel called a "fresh taste" was actually what most people would call a "tastes like wet rubber" taste. Oddly, it also smelled like an old tire which, while equally unappealing, did at least tie into the flavor pretty well. Two days later when my bad-tasting, foul-smelling turkey turned almost glow-in-the-dark pink I knew there were more than a few people back at Hormel having a good laugh at my expense. That's when I really read the packaging. It said, "All Natural Ingredients," which lead me to wonder if it was all natural with no preservatives shouldn't the only ingredients be fucking turkey?!? Apparently I don't know a damn thing about natural turkey because natural turkey contains Turbinado sugar, baking soda, and carrageenan (which comes from seaweed). I'm no expert but I don't think that a turkey ever naturally encounters seaweed. What do they do, drown these turkeys in the ocean in order to lock in that oh-so-good natural turkeyness? Personally, I'd rather eat a few preservatives as opposed to eating seaweed turkey again. Now I'm off to try some of my naturally cooked deli ham which contains no seaweed. However it does contain"lactic acid starter culture" which sounds waaaaaay better than eating a nasty ol' preservative.