I am a slave of convenience

For some reason, my Chinese pick up was late which absolutely never happens. I've ordered from there like a hundred times and when the lady says, "Fifteen minute," she means, "Fifteen minute." Oftentimes I even show up early (the Chinese place is like a mile away) and my food is usually still ready. But this time it wasn't and so I had to wait which wasn't so bad except that just then the grocery store where I used to buy my groceries walked in, prompting a very uncomfortable conversation. Here's how I best remember it.

Me (as the grocery store took me entirely by surprise when I turned around from the cashier's counter): Whoa! Hey, excuse me, I didn't know....oh, hey, grocery store."

Grocery Store: "Hello. It's been a long time."

Me: "Yeah, I guess, it has been a while."

Grocery Store: "By my guess it's been five years, two months, and eight days since you last came in. You ordered milk, a root beer, and, what was it....oh yes, a Little Debbie Swiss Miss roll."

Me: "Yeah, I like those Little Debbie rolls."

Grocery Store: "So how have you been for the last five years, two months, and eight days?"

Me: "Uhhh, well, we bought a house and--"

Grocery Store: "Good for you! I always heard you talking with my many friendly employees about wanting to buy a house! That's great! So you buy your groceries online now? Over the Internet, I guess?"

Me: "No, umm, actually I live on the other side of town and--"

Grocery Store: "Yeah, I remember one time you were talking to Sharon--you remember her, don't you?--you were telling her about how much you liked the way you could always come in and not worry about waiting in line or not finding what you were looking for--you said I was a "friendly place" and "a nice store to not feel so stressed out when you were buying things". That's what you said. Before you moved to the other side of town, I mean, and stopped frequenting me entirely."

Me: "Actually, just the other day, I was thinking that I needed to see if you still carried those peaches. Nobody has peaches that taste like that. I can't find 'em anywhere. I was even--"

Grocery Store: "It's funny you say that because the store manager, Gary--you remember Gary?--advertised a sale on my peaches for the last two weeks. For some reason, we got in an extra twenty cases of the things. You didn't see that advertisement all over the papers?"

Me: "Well, yeah, I did...maybe that's why I mentioned the peaches. I was just so busy that I didn't get over your way. I did clip the coupon though. I might even have it right here in my wallet! Look--"

Grocery Store: "Smell me. I can tell by your face that you already have. You know what that is? That's over two hundred pounds of fermenting peaches. They should have been tossed in the dumpsters ten days ago but Gary forget to pay the garbage bill again so they didn't pick up last week. On top of that, I have thirty gallons of milk getting ready to go bad as we speak."

Me: "Oh, well, hey, my food is here! It was good seein' yah again though!"

Grocery Store: "Sure. Whatever. By the way, you might wanna go out the back way because I think I saw the video store you used to go to parking in the Handicapped space."

Me: "Thanks. I'll do that. But just for the record, I stopped going there because I have a late charge I don't want to pay...it has nothing to do with convenience."

Grocery Store: "Whatever. Tell it to somebody who gives a damn. Enjoy your Sesame Chicken."

Me: "Thanks. I will. It's better at the other place but, you know, the other place is like another five hundred yards farther away. "