Americans Are Addicted To Crap

I've had this thing sitting atop my router for three years now:

What is it? That is the heaviest friggin' bobblehead ever created. It's of Tiger Woods, it's called "Major Force", and it weighs no less than a pound and a half. Why has it been sitting atop my router for the past three years? Honestly, I haven't a friggin' clue. It was a gift which tells you why I own it in the first place but why I have kept it atop my router for so long is anybody's guess. The really funny thing is that if you try to bobble his head, he will immediately fall forward. I know this because for a couple of months I thought that I would make him useful and tap the bill of his cap for luck before I went out to play golf. Every single time I tapped his cap, his head would take to bobblin' and he would immediately jump off of the router and onto something on my desk that was infinitely more important than a stupid bobblehead made of lead. I used to own a very expensive Hewlett Packard financial calculator until I had an exceptionally early tee time and half-asleep I bobbled Tiger for luck. Needless to say, I no longer own a Hewlett Packard financial calculator but I do still have my Tiger Woods "Major Force" bobblehead although he did lose a pointy finger from the exchange. Last year my son got hold of him and decided to highlight his shirt with a Sharpie. And yet there he still sits atop my router pointing at me with his stub of a finger with embarrassing streaks of Sharpie across his face, body, and clothing. As I look at him, I can only guess that I'm addicted to crap. I don't know when I got addicted to it and I don't know how. However, after looking at the movement of bobbleheads in general on Ebay and spending a full hour with my wife at the Dollar General store I think every other American is addicted to crap as well. So I guess that's why I never hear anybody talking about it....we are a country still in denial.