First Things First

I should probably get out of the way real quick since I will sooner or later: a quick list of the things that annoy me the most in life. They are in no particular order and are subject to change completely at any given moment. Currently, they are:

1) Taxes. They come straight out of my check or are otherwise hidden and I'm clueless as to what they do. Federal taxes, state taxes, county taxes, city taxes, gas taxes, food taxes, sin taxes, property taxes, all these fucking taxes! Sure, I know certain taxes are needed but when I'm spending over fifty percent of my salary every year to buy them, I would appreciate the courtesy of at least an occasional explanation as to why my ass feels like the merry wheel in a cheap carnival.

2) Utility companies. These hording bastards are like governmentally-sponsored assholes. If I don't pay my cable bill on time they shut off my cable. If they give me shitty service for two months, I complain for two months and keep paying the bill for fear that they might shut off my shitty service. They are like greedy landlords except they don't give you the satisfaction of occasionally being able to kick them in the balls before you walk away.

3) Banks. The Bible said that banks were evil and on this subject the Bible was correct. Get yourself a free checking account and otherwise avoid these festering fat cats.

4) Fast food restaurants. Burgers and fries. Burgers and fries. All my life, burgers and fries! For the love of God, why? Whyyyyyyy? Why must we always eat burgers and fries??? Sadly, the Bible foretold nothing of these little greasy death traps.

And lastly (for now)

5) Toe nail clippers. You didn't see that one coming at all did you? I imagine not but really do you find any set of toe nail clippers easy to use in both hands? It's insane really that we must use these badly engineered contraptions in order to stay properly manicured.

EDITED (7-15-2006): Merry wheel? What in the hell is a merry wheel? Alright, here’s the thing...I’ll never edit out the stupid shit because, hey, I’m a dumbass just like everybody else. But merry wheel? How that one got by me, I haven’t a clue. Long story short: it should be merry-go-round.